THE+TALE+OF+CRAZY+OL'+BILL

__ Jackson Tank van dyke __ __1/2B__ =__THE TALE OF CRAZY OL’ BILL__= I leaped out of bed and sprinted down the stairs. “I need to warn the new kids!” I said to myself as I bashed through the door. I kept going and going but didn’t see them anywhere! When I got there it was too late. They were already entering the cul-de-sac! I screamed, “No! Stop!” But then I realized that crazy ol’ Bill was out smiling and laughing with the kids! If you knew any of Bill’s history you would know that this might just be the craziest thing EVER. Billy Coleman has lived here longer than anyone else. His house was pure death. His lawn was either dead, or just dirt. The only thing you ever saw him doing was chasing kids away with a shovel. But today was different, he had a moving truck, and his crazy old house was gone and replaced by a playground! He must have seen me because he walked over to me and said “HI!” real nice and friendly. At first I was tempted to run but he grabbed me and playfully pulled me aside. Then he said, “I have decided to fill you with knowledge, that possibly no one else knows, in the world.” At first I thought of him as the old man who’s heavy step, in those gray, ripped up shoes, was almost as painful as the whack you received from his shovel. But then he started talking. And by the end of this mesmerizing story, I thought of him as the nice old man, with his silver hair, and his brain filled with knowledge, which shows how old he is. His story started 2 weeks ago. He was on a rampage chasing more kids than ever before. Then one day he was on a watch in his window, and he thought he saw something in the only tree he had. It was dead, hollow, and he knew that no animals lived there. So he went outside to investigate. It was a monkey! The monkey jumped out and, in a deep tone, started speaking human words, which nearly made Bill faint. The monkey said, “I am the all powerful monkey of good and evil.” “Well, I am Bill and my job is to beat trespassers like yourself with a shovel” Billy said. The monkey said, “Fine beat me, but I am a ghost, and don’t even exist so you are trying to kill an already dead monkey, which is pretty stupid.” Then Bill said, “Fine I’ll level with ya.” “What do ya want me to do?” The monkey answered, “Muahahahaha, you’ll see soon enough.” Then the monkey disappeared and then reappeared behind Bill and hit him with a rock, knocking him unconscious. Bill suddenly saw another monkey. It was smaller, and more cheerful. Even though Bill was dreaming, he thought he was awake, and he started backing up from the monkey, after what happened with the last monkey. Then the monkey exclaimed, “Do not be frightened! For I am here to show you your past!” This monkey showed Bill his whole past, cheering him up considerably. Then Bill said, “ok so can I leave now?” The monkey said “no,” and left. Almost instantly a new monkey came, and exclaimed, “I am here to show you your life in the present.” Bill said “Oh, but I don’t need to see that, I am living in that time now!” The monkey (this one was more angry and evil than the first two, but still seemed ok), got more angry and said “oh yea, well how do you think poor old Kevin feels, that you chased from the lawn? He lives in the present!” Then Bill said, “Well I didn’t think that he really cared.” Then the monkey showed Bill Kevin’s life. It was sad, Kevin was friendless, his family was poor and all around was just, unhappy. When Bill hit him with shovel it made it worse. When this monkey was finished showing Bill his present time, he said “good luck with next monkey.” And just as he was about to disappear he said, “your gonna need it, Muahahahaha.” Then a large gray monkey, with fangs the size of elephant tusks and a face that made your eyes bleed said, in an incredibly large booming voice, “Bill! I am here to show you your future! I am the all powerful monkey of the future!” This monkey added, “Bill, in 20 years you will be dead, buried on you own property, you will never have made a friend and will never stop scaring kids. After you die, kids will steal you gravestone and burn it.” Then Bill said in a ravenous tone, “NO! ” and tried to tackle the monkey but it just bit him. He started to disintegrate, and saw his entire life flash before his eyes. All of a sudden he woke and that new boy Kevin was helping him up. Bill picked Kevin up and hugged him. Two weeks later, which is today, he had his stuff packed and was about to move to Arizona. He said his goodbyes and drove away with the truck. That’s the story of the wisest of men, and the person who taught me how to live. And all in all I think I have had a good life, living by the tale of crazy ol’ Bill.