There's+Another+Way

By Lillian Fix Enriched Language Arts 7/8 B Mertz There’s Another Way //What did I do to earn this? I didn’t do anything! // I thought to myself. “I didn’t do anything!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. It echoed, not in the desert, but through my head. It echoed along with “Can’t we just go back?” and “I hate you!” which was what I yelled to my mama as I sprinted out the door close to 10 minutes ago. I felt overwhelmed. I wanted to scream, for god to hear. No one else but god.  “Breath slowly, Alyssa.” I told myself. I wanted to punch something really hard with all my strength that I had left to use in my body. I clenched my teeth. It felt as if there was a four hundred pound weight on the top of my head. My heart was sinking. Sinking to the bottom of my stomach. This was stupid! I couldn’t talk to anyone. No one understood me. Even if I let my feelings out, they end up on my mama’s side. I can’t describe it unless I use the word stupid or dumb. It’s basically part of my everyday routine. In the morning, breakfast, school, homework, fight with mama, run to the desert, come back and eat dinner. Every day, I see me, sitting on this exact rock, every fight! Ever since papa had committed suicide, mama and I just weren’t close to each other anymore.  I was so mad I just wanted to scream again! Come on Alyssa, I know your right. “Your right, your right. You do deserve more.” I repetitively reassured myself through my thoughts. I knew I was the one who was right and I didn’t //deserve// a mama who would make me walk on eggshells around her. I //deserve// better. There was no “Oh hun, it’s ok. Just relax and calm down.” There was no “Sweetie, it was a small mistake. Just forget about it” No, not with me. Nobody’s perfect, but with my mama every little bitty mistake leads to us yelling back and forth. She doesn’t want me to turn out like my papa and kill myself. That’s when I get mad. When she distrusts me like that. Though she says it’s my anger at my papa for abandoning us. I say it’s my anger at her.  “//What’s that noise? It’s like an animal! It sounds like something coming in the bushes…//” I thought. What could it be? I jump up, look straight up and stare into the eyes of a big lonely giraffe.  “Why, you scared me!” I said to the giraffe. I felt stupid but I continued, “Hey little… I mean big buddy! Your so cute!”  The massive animal lays down right next to my rock. I sit back down. He cocked his head expecting something. I reach my hand out to the big animal and touch it’s long, soft fur.  “Are you alright?” I asked. I know, im talking to an animal. But it seemed to calm me. Calm me a lot. “Are you worried about something?”  The giraffe brings his head down and looks into my eyes.  “Are you worried about me? I’m sorry I didn’t mean to disturb you from anything.” Even though I was talking to this animal, it felt as if he understood. “It’s alight darling. I’m ok. Just sometimes me and my mama get into these fights that are pointless and, well yeah.” I vented. He nodded.  “I love her and everything it’s just, she doesn’t //get// me. And then if we get into fights, I have no one to talk to.” I said. The large animal looked at himself then me and then back to himself. I think he was trying to tell me that I //did// have someone to talk to. Him.  I continue to talk. I vent and vent about how mama doesn’t understand me and how she distrusts me. Eventually he was caught up on the whole story. I feel so close to him now. Just like we were always meant to be good buddies, partners, or best friends. <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"> “I need to name you!” I bursted, “How ‘bout I call you ‘Honey’. Yeah! That fits. You’re the color of honey and your as sweet as it too.” <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"> We sat there for almost the rest of the day. That giraffe made me understand that I did have someone to go to. He’s my new best friend.